The comment I am responding to was posted to this blog: The Savior Complex. Apparently, my blog is making life hard for the narcissists. My response is my apology for this fact. Or maybe not.
Here we go. Naturally, I could have gone into much more detail in my response, but I ain't got time for dat.
Hello. As someone with NPD, I find this inherently harmful, and here is why.
Hello. As someone with much experience at the receiving end of NPD I find your comments inherently self-serving and obtuse.
People with NPD are not inherently abusive. We have the tendencies to be so, yes, but that does not mean that we are by default. Anyone, personality disorder or not, Cluster A, B, or C, can be abusive.
That all depends on your definition of abuse. And judging by your entire missive here, I’d say you are quick to minimize others pain and quicker to point out your own. So you’re hardly a good judge on this point. Clusterfuck A, B or C...it matters not. Arbitrary psychobabble labels don't define people. Their behavior toward others does.
Narcissists do need attention, yes. It makes us feel good about ourself, and if we don't get it, we spiral into depression. That is called narcissistic injury, the same that happens without insults.
Everyone needs attention. The problem with malignant narcissists is that they need ALL the attention. This means they want the attention that should rightly go to someone else which is equivalent to theft. Stealing attention hurts others. Sometimes it is extremely destructive to others.
It is not exactly difficult to praise a narcissist on their appearance, work, art, etc.
My point wasn’t that it was difficult. My point is that it is impossible to ever give enough. With narcissists it is all going one way…towards themselves. Otherwise they think they’re being abused.
If a narcissist is abusive, it is not the NPD causing it. It's the fact they are an abuser. People with NPD don't typically ask for help, no, but over years of dealing with it, we learn to cope in ways that don't push others away or hurt them. Actually, most of us don't want others to find out we have NPD, so we either cope with it extremely well or hide it in very unhealthy ways. Do you know why? Because of articles like this. BLOGS like this. Because we can't even try finding answers as to how we can cope without finding things about how we are burdens and how OTHERS can cope with us and eventually get away from us.
I would love to meet such a nice narcissist as you. To claim that blogs like mine are the problem for people like you, well, so be it. It is about time for the narcissists to have to deal with our problems with them. Oh, and if you don't act like a selfish fuckwit all the time then it is unlikely that people will find out you're a narcissist. I'm sorry you have to hide your evil tendencies in order to not be discovered to have NPD, it must be a real burden for you.
Do you know how you keep yourself from getting stuck in an abusive relationship with a narcissist? Talk. To. Us. Don't just say we're too demanding and you can't keep up, ask us about compromises. What kind of narcissistic supply do we like best? Would a few compliments on our outfit get us through the day? It's about communication, the same as any relationship.
Oh. My. God. You don’t have a clue.
Do you know how people end up with personality disorders like NPD? Usually abuse. And those with personality disorders are statistically more likely to repeatedly end up in abusive situations. The fact you'd have your readers believe that we're all the abusive ones is disgusting.
I don’t claim all narcissists are abusers, but a case for that could be made. If someone is on my blog it is because they have suffered long under the tyranny of a narcissist who is far less wonderful than you are. I didn’t shape their beliefs on this … their abusive narcissist did. And bringing out the old saw about abuse causing NPD is lame and unscientific. Just t'aint true. I won't bore you with the facts.
We are not bad people because we have lowered empathy. Just because we can't understand how one is feeling does not mean we can't feel concern and express compassion, it just means we may not be able to help as eloquently as someone with higher empathy levels.
The person with lowered empathy is very unlikely to know how much they hurt others. Oh, and saying the right words is not all that empathy may require. Pretty shallow definition of empathy if you think it is just being eloquent or feeling something.
Don't say you didn't mean people who are simply egotistical. The use of the word narcissist says this was aimed at US, and honestly, your willingness to throw us under the bus speaks volumes about how you would treat someone who acted like us. Either reconsider your wording, or work on your internalized hatred of people with personality disorders. You are hurting us.
Okay, I won’t say that I was only talking about egotistical people. I wasn’t. In fact, I am quite able to draw a line of distinction between people who are egotistical and those who are narcissists. They are not necessarily one and the same; in fact, they very often are not the same thing. But I cover that in other areas of my blog. In fact, when people assume that egotists are narcissists I instantly know they don’t know a narcissist from a hole in the ground. I was intentionally aiming at narcissists. My recommendations on how to deal with narcissists are humane for everyone. No violence like throwing under buses is ever recommended. I have no internalized hatred for people with personality disorders. I hate the under handed, deceitful and nasty practices some people employ to the detriment of others. If telling people to walk away from an abusive narcissist is hurting people with PD’s, well, so be it. Sometimes nasty people won’t learn until they find themselves alone because they are nasty. I know more than one PD person who has bought a clue because they ended up with nothing because of their bad behavior. Some people never learn except the hard way.
People are not victims of narcissism. They are victims of abuse. The only victims of NPD are the sufferers.
People are victims of abusive narcissists. The sufferers are their victims. That word “abusive” in my first sentence of this paragraph is an adjective that describes the kind of narcissists I write about. Which means I’m not writing about every single narcissist out there. Necessarily. If you don’t abuse others, then I wasn’t writing about you. But I suppose your narcissism is showing since you think it is all about you. On the other hand, maybe it IS all about you.
This is all the attention from me that you’re going to get. Any further comments of yours will be deleted. You have amply notified all readers of this blog that you think I’m all wrong. I have kindly posted your comment on my front page so people can come to their own conclusions. I’m sure you’ve persuaded everyone that I’m all wrong and you’re a victim of bloggers like me. I’m guessing the attention I’ve given you isn’t the right kind or enough. Save your protests cuz I don’t give a fuck. Have a nice day.